Trapeze, Yet Another Reason to Hate Carnies

Ok circus folk are weirdos.

They are like English Pikeys with a penchant for drawing unusual attention to themselves through psuedo artistic, acid trippy, poor man's cedar point style activites. They travel in large groups with semi trucks filled with equipment used to lure little kids into large tents with middle age men in body paint, it's borderline petafilia.

So it is with obvious distain that I rant on the cats craddle of circus structures the Trapeze. This weekend me and a few friends were in Boyne Falls MI for a little drinking and relaxing. We had a condo, alot of access to water rides, and more liquor than Harrison Ford at the premier of U571.

After one fateful evening that saw us take a ski lift to the top of Boyne Mt. we decided to hit up the local bars. After some fun at Piersons and the Trophy Room, at which there were no trophy's, we decided it best to head back to our condo for more drinking.

Then it happened.

We opened the door to the Trophy Room bar and BAM, some ninja Carnies erected a midnight Trapeze set right in the courtyard of the grand hotel. Now of course me, not of sound mind, decided that we should climb this Trapeze set and play on it. Four of the eight of us agreed and we set to trespassing.

After jumping the ladder guard and boosting the girls up we played like kids in a ball pit not realizing that somebody probably pissed in there. Not until I layed on my back facing up however did I see what the Carnies had trapped me with.

A higher platform to jump off of.

We were 10 feet in the air, but to jump from 20 feet is something no drunk man trying to impress his girlfriend can resist. So I started my accent to greatness.

At the top I sat on my ass and pushed off, thinking did not go into this equation. As I began to fall I realized that i was straight as a board. By the time my toes went between the razor wire that is these Carnie safty nets it was to late. My back and neck whiplashed backwards as my stomach shot forward, I preceded to touch my ankles to the back of my head.

I am sure the lady was impressed.

But the fun didn't stop there, as my feet went deeper into the net and my body bent like a banana I build up quite a bit of potential energy. Something had to give and it wasn't going to be the razor wire safty net. I shot forward face first across the net on my forarms and nose. When the dust settled my nose looked someone skinned it like a carrot and my forarms were more black and blue than a pledges ass after frat initiation night.

Fear those Ninja Carnies men, they will temp you the next time you indulge youself in to many libations, whether it be the trapeze, human canon, or the bearded lady, there is no resisting their charms.