My accursed 31 inch Waist

I know what your thinking, a 31 inch waist, what a baddass. But hold your horses there cowboy, in fact a 31 inch waist sucks balls. I don't own a single pair of jeans I can wear without a belt. In fact the 31 x 34 size I need is the holy grail of pants. Unfortunately it is also a farce, no person in their right mind produces more than 1 pair of that jean.

Why you ask?

Because most of the people who are interested in buying them, like yours truly, are dead. That's right, 31 inches is the size your waist can shrink to when your stone dead. Some cadavers still have an easier time finding jeans than me because they only get down to a 32, lucky dead bastards.

SO as my continuing searches leads to dead ends, I begin to consider that all important question.

Should I get ass implants?

I know it seems ridiculous, but I challenge you to consider this. People such as me who suffer from Nastitol (No-Ass-At-All) disease would save a fortune on custom tailoring costs with some dumps in their trunks. In the long run my ass implants would pay for themselves. Also in this "I like big butts I cannot lie" era that we live in, I would face far less undeserved scrutiny for my lacking butt cheeks.

I will be torn in half when considering this life and possibly ass altering surgery, god give me the strength to make the right decision.