Jean shorts tell a lot about a person

You ever notice what jeans shorts say about a person?

I'm not talking a 12 year old who wears them because their parents make them. Or the person who has to turn jeans into shorts because they are poor -- Unless that person is to poor because they bought a lottery ticket everyday of their life. I am talking about the individual over the age of 18, who rises every mourning and puts their pants on just like the rest of us. Sliding their pasty white legs, with the loony tunes tattoo, through the leg holes in their knee high denim badge of honor.

The jean short is to the white trash what the bicycle helmet is to the retard. A way of letting people know who you are and what you're capable of.

It is fact that people who wear jean shorts also do not wear sleeves. I don't care what the weather dictates, they ain't bothering with no pussy ass jacket, not unless it's made of denim. And they most definitely are not wearing pants, unless they're wranglers, junior wears wranglers. Their cut off No Fear or Big Johnson shirt is normally framed by long nasty 80's rocker hair. Either in the preferred mullet, or depending on their level of balding, the Hogan.

People who wear jean short are also always on their way to get drunk. If it's 8 in the morning and you see them getting steak and eggs at a Texas Style drive through, they will tell you exactly how they are going to get drunk. It could go something like this.

"How the fuck you doing man? I gotta fucking go stop by work today, the boss has been calling. I figure I'll skirt out round noon, stop by Lyle's to get a case, and be fucked up by 1. Yeeeeee Hawwwwwww."

Actually it goes something like that every time. That paragraph has probably been uttered more times in rural areas than good morning. Jean shorts wearers are more likely to say that after they wake up, than they are to read the morning paper.

Which brings me to my next point. My sperm reads at a higher level than most people who wear jean shorts. Books are more likely to be burned to start KKK rallies, than be read by people of the jean short persuasion. Aside from memorizing the NRA Handbook, which they do by having others read it to them every weekend on the way to the race, they have never cracked open a book.

Numbers however they understand. Natural Light Beer cost 6.99 for a 12 pack. Corona cost 7.99 for a 6 pack. That is a lot of numbers to crunch, but they can do it because the money they save can buy a 1 dollar scratch off. They may understand numbers, they do no understand odds.

They do however understand versatility. What other group of people have figured out the benefits of being able to drive your home anywhere you go? Grocery store? wont be lugging these bags up the stairs to my apartment. Vacation? Why pack, the house is coming too. Need to pick up and move in a pinch because the cops are after ya for that drunken hit and run you pulled? Easy as 1, 2, 3 trailer hitch.

Now I know what you are thinking. Aren't you scared that they will find this, get someone to read it to them, hunt you, and kill you. Well for one I am always scared a person in jean shorts is going to kill me. They have shotguns in the cabs of their semi trucks. But in truth, no. Because people who wear jean shorts think the internet was created by fags who can't change a tire.

And actually they might be right on that one.