Aimless Thoughts on Vacation

So as some people know me and Jen just returned from our recon trip in California. While there I made a few observations.

There are a ton of homeless people in San Fransisco and all of them are fucking nuts. Now I lived in the big apple and it has its share of crazy cardboard sleepers, but the West coast crazies, specifically San Francisco’s, take the cake. Their incessant self conversations made me realize something interesting. Crazy homeless people, as anyone who has lived in Kalamazoo Michigan can attest, adore talking to themselves. They think they are the funniest people in the world and will tell themselves about it in public places where others can see and hear. Now if I was homeless and didn’t give a fuck I would probably do the same thing. I can admit to talking to myself every so often when no one is around. But I am not a proponent of doing it in a crowd. Here’s the kicker though. I didn’t actually notice how crazy it was at first glace. You know what I thought it was? I thought it was some homeless dressing hippie like Mary-Kate or Ashley Olson talking on a blue tooth cell phone ear piece. I mean I was in San Francisco, a pretty swank and hip town, can you blame me for thinking some rich kid hipster was just talking on their annoying ear piece? What this confusion lead to however was me and Jen referring to all the homeless people as ”Bluetoothing” when ever we saw one carrying on with their self dialog. As in…

“Jen look that fucking guy wearing the garbage bag and 1994 Patrick Ewing basketball shoes is totally bluetoothing in front of those unsuspecting tourists. You think he is scaring the shit out of them?”

In fact we probably said “bluetoothing” once every 10 minutes because of the sheer volume of homeless people.

I also realized while there that the SUV, which is the most impractical vehicle in modern times, is nothing but a glorified man van. They aren’t cool, a muscle car is cool, it hauls ass and looks like berretta is behind the properly tinted glass. SUV’s have all the amenities of a Van on a larger wheel base with less gas mileage. Those head rest TV’s you use to shut your kid up on road trips, those are there. Room for a family of 5, there too. The inability to park in normal parking spots, yep you get that as well. All an SUV does is ensure the guy you hit when you get liquored up dies immediately because your vehicles higher frame and body line it up perfectly with the front window of most sedan style cars. But I’ll be damned if you didn’t look like a professional athlete as you did it. What is so wrong with a van anyhow? Chile Palmer drove one and he was a hit man. If your dick is so small you need to drive an Escalade to let people know you are a man then I guess I understand. But why don’t you just do what every other small dicked dude does. Lift a ton of weights, drive a huge jacked up full sized truck, and talk about how big your dick is to everyone you meet.

Another thing of note is a phrase I heard when my radio search landed on an evangelical radio station while driving on Highway 5 through the middle of California.

“God gave us the power to stop those responsible for abortion in America”

Ok while I could rant on almost any aspect of this loaded statement I will just stick with the logical fallacy it’s rooted in. The very fact that a group of people believe god gave them the power to stop anything causes me to wonder why those people don’t realize that god gave people the power to do the thing they are trying to stop. Are you following this? In the example above for instance God gave a bunch of doctor killing Christian extremists the power to stop abortion right? Well did they ever wonder why God gave doctors the power to do abortions in the first place? In other words if god gave you the power to stop anything man does or creates he also gives those people the power to create it right? That is how I see it. I mean unless the creators are godless heathens who have less rights to live than the people empowered to stop them of course. But in that case who gives them the power to create such a thing as abortion?

The devil obviously.

Who also created Harry Potter, Magic the Gathering, Dungeons and Dragons, dancing in Footloose, gays, Hurricane Katrina, and anything else that scares middle America and backwaters people everywhere.

I am sure other thing happened that made me wonder aimless thoughts for hours during our cross state trek, but I can’t think of anything else right now.