Short Man Complex

We all know one or two of them, we may actually genuinely like them, but the fact remains. Most people with short man complex are uber deutsch bags.

You know those guys, no taller than 5'7, work out a ton, invasive good times personality, and always really tan. They generally wear popped polo collars and hit on anything that moves at the bar. Their main goal in life is to bag a taller woman to help supplant the lack of the height in their gene pool.

These dudes hit the ground running about the time the male body can start to put muscle on. They have been waiting their entire life to get big enough to kick the crap out of every larger kid that bullied them.

Unfortunately I got two words for them when it comes to a fight.

Circle jab.

Besides just putting your hand on their heads so they can't get close enough to hit you, you can always just circle one direction and light up their eye. Their cute little arms will never be long enough to hit you.

Anyhow fighting them is not the rant.

These guys bother me. No matter how tan your skin is, how large your biceps are, or how much of a good time you want people to think your having, you will never break 6 feet. But that's ok, they make rides for people your height as well.

See I can respect a shorter man than doesn't care how short he is. You know that 5'5 kid who weighs 120 on a good day and is oblivious to the fact that he is staring up at most peoples taints. See that guy is just a normal dude, he may be shorter than anyone you want you daughter to date, but fuck it, he'll find a short girl and everyone will think they are cute like bear cubs.

But those chotch's, the ones who have a Hollister card and gym pass, they need to go.

Take this guy we met this weekend. His head was shaped like a lizard, it was villainous, coupled with his short man stereotype and over all chotchiness it was offensive. He ruined my good time by constantly speaking to people who wanted to avoid his face. I was hoping he would pass out do to the lack of blood flow from his vein definingly tight shirt sleeves.

But he didn't.

See this dude was on, like always on, and it's a product of his short man complex. He feels he needs to overcompensate to make people like him because he doesn't sit at eye level. He literally was jumping up out of his seat to get in between people talking to dominate their conversation. I assumed from how much he worked out that he just clenched his ass cheeks together which made him hop up to eye level.

What ever the case it was like a little brother trying to get into the big brothers football game. At first you feel bad and want to include him, but by the end you tell your friends to hit him so hard he wont want to play anymore. He actually circled the whole table looking for someone to notice him.

If he would have just been a controlled contributing member of the group conversation, instead of a little invasive ball of muscle and lotion, he would have been fine. But because he's conditioned to feel inadequate because of his height, and possibly penis size (I didn't see how big his truck was), he bothered me enough to dedicate this blog to him.

So here's to short man, I hope they discover an exercise to build up the muscles on the bottom of your feet to increase your height. But until then go back Lillyput, drop the weights, avoid the skin cancer, and get out of my face when I am talking to my friends.