Many of my friends have heard me rattle off the list of places I wont go because there is a good chance a person will die there. I am not talking about places where there is a high probability of injury, I am not a wuss er anything, I am talking about places where people who are about to die frequent.
An obvious example would be a hospital, there is a pretty good chance that if you go to a hostipal a few times somebody died while you were there.
Wal-Mart is also one of these places. How many times have I been to Wal-Mart? Three times, and all three I swear somebody was teetering on the brink. Wal-Mart is where people go to die together, a place where excess skin looking like yeast from rising bread is just as common as the low prices. An average Wal-Mart customer has several if not all of the following traits.
1. Old
2. An automated chair
3. A breathing apparatus
4. Fat
5. Most commonly trailer trash
6. Most commonly to poor to afford Medicare
7. Smokes a pack or more a day
8. Buys lottery tickets every day
You add a few of those up and you have a person with a high probability of Diabetis, Heart Disease, and Cancer, all while having no money to fix it. These people let themselves go long before they first entered the hollowed halls of Wal-Mart. They always travel with a pack of little bastard kids that are loud as fuck and have no respect for other people. These little side kicks are a form of hands for the people about to die. They use them to fill their carts with items they cannot reach, all while yelling at them to draw as much attention to themselves as possible. You can't die without somebody watching, that would defeat the point of frequenting these public places.
While Wal-Mart is king there are a few other places you have a good chance of seeing somebody die.
1. Old Country Buffet
Nothing spells death like an all day buffet 7 days a week. OCB may single handedly be responsible for America being the worlds fattest nation. The food glistens even more than the sweating faces of the restaurant's patrons.
2. Pharmacy
You can hardly be on your death bed without heading to the Pharm for your off brand meds. Don't forget to hit up the candy aisle before you pick up your trashy tabloids on the way out. If only they still sold cigarettes like they did in the 80's.
3. Secretary of State
I am not sure exactly why the secretary of state in a haven for the soon to be dearly departed. Without fail every time I go there it is stocked with unfortunate white trash 30 year olds pushing their fatally inclined mother/father figure, all while complaining loudly of the line.
4. Saves Alot
Like Wal-Mart only without all the consumer goods. Saves Alot doesn't sell vegetables unless they come in a frozen bag. The perfect grocery store for anyone attempting to put on that last 50 lbs to have their own too fat to leave the house without a crane special on TV.
They are more, but not many. See people who are about to die don't get out much, so when they do they want to make sure they head to places where they are ensured people of similar life expectancy. In a way these destinations are like modern day leper colonies, filled solely with people whose problems couldn't possibly effect the others around them, because those people are already just as fucking screwed.
No comments:
Post a Comment